Many years ago, after an encounter with someone who was clearly in a bad mood, I said to my friend Todd, an electrician, "Man, that guy was being a real [jerk] to me."
To which he wisely responded:
"No…that guy was being a [jerk] around you."
His perspective was such a gift to me.
That man's behavior had nothing to do with me. He was the one in a bad place. He was the one suffering. He was lashing out because of something upsetting in his own life.
Encountering difficult people is inevitable. Some days, it can seem like ornery folks are drawn to the construction industry. While I've met many good people, I've yet to meet a single tradesman who hasn't had an ill-tempered boss at some point.
How we choose to see the people we work with is how we see the world.
If we approach coworkers, employees, employers, vendors, and bosses from a default position of distrust—if we see others as obstacles rather than people worthy of the benefit of the doubt—if we treat every interaction like a power struggle, then that is exactly how the world will show up for us.
Coaches talk about "culture" when building successful teams, and it's no different in any business. If the leader's energy is mistrustful, uncommunicative, and paranoid, then that is exactly how the team will show up—uncomfortable, skittish, and afraid to make decisions.
Still, to get along, we must accept that difficult people are part of life. So how do we successfully work with them, serve them, even…love them?
In those moments, I'm grateful for the gift my buddy Todd gave me. He helped me see that person as separate from myself. He helped me recognize that they may be suffering—and that it has nothing to do with me.
This weekend, as Christians around the world celebrate the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, I'm reminded of His words shortly before He took His last breath:
"Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."
In those moments when I struggle to love and serve people who seem unlovable, I'm reminded of a quote from The Secret History of Christianity by Mark Vernon:
"Love is about the extremely difficult realization that something other than yourself is real. It is the ability to see the world and others by imagining their being, not fantasizing that they are as we are. It's why showing someone love is really about giving them the space to speak and striving to understand them."
Isn't that something?
Happy Easter from our Union Up family to yours.
